positive vs negative

aaron was telling me, "look at the bright side. other people without jobs is not getting a single cent, while sitting in front of the computer jobsearching at JobsDb. You, on the other hand, is paid to job search."

he was right. at least, Im getting my full salary, while Im not actually working for the last 2 weeks. everyday, Im just JobsDb-ing and facebook-ing, using all sorts of channel to find jobs.

I was still disappointed that I cudn't spend time with aaron during his 1 week leave in Nov. Now, I can. He was saying that its a blessing in disguise. God throw u shits at 1 go, but you just gotta make the best out of it.

Aaron wasn't a sweet bf who goes, "oh baby, its ok, Im here with you dun worry you'll find a job." and Im mad at him for not being that sweet bf. but I gotta admit, what he said was true. Though those comforting words didnt came out from his mouth, he did the practical part by throwing me classfieds asking me to take a look and cutting out a section that he thinks I should take a look. He taught me to look at the positive side.

aaron is such an asshole at times. He doesn't say the sweetest comforting of words, but he use his own way to get me out of my shithole. although I really still like the 1st kind of help, like what he said, even though its nt my desired kind of help, its still help.

I have wanted to give up many times, just last night, I said I want to breakup with that asshole. but today I didnt receive calls or msges frm him til 6pm, and when he called, I immediately felt alright. I duno if its just mere habitual thingy, or was it love. but god..I think I can't do without him seriously. 1 thing Im amazed about him, no matter how fierce are our fights, hw many million times I said "you're a fucking asshole!I hate you!I wanna breakup with you!"

aaron is still there.

sometimes I wonder, is that because he really loves me and didn't want to let go of me, or was it because he knew Im the only gf who has treated him that well compared to his ex gfs, or was it because...he is just used to having me around?

we watched The Ugly Truth tonight. It was a meaningful and educational movie. we both liked it. He said Im like the lead actress, always choose to hear the negative part of the sentence and ignore the main point which is the positive thing he is trying to say. I laughed.

the lead actress thought all along the perfect man she have been dreaming about and finally met, Colin, and managed to make him fall for her, was what she wanted. but in the end, all she was taught to behave in front of him, by "I forgot his name", wasn't who she really is. the man who knew who she really was, and also the one who taught her how to behave and what to do to make Colin fell for her, fell in love with her. of course, the actress realise that she too fell for the latter, and the perfect man wasn't really who she wanted.

I knew how it felt. At the early stage when I was with aaron, he was like the perfect man I always wanted. bringing me for romantic dinners, nice bars to chill out, gentlemen and charismatic. but when my gfs asked if I love aaron, I didn't had an answer. All I said, was that he was all I always wanted my bf to be, but I dun feel in love.

now, aaron wasn't quite like the perfect man I used to see, he's a jerk who shouts at me, make me cry and break my heart into pieces, doesn't bring me for romantic dinners and nice bars as often, and rarely shower me with gifts. not that he used to shower me with gifts, in fact he seldom buy me gifts. but I still love him, and although there are sad moments, there are happy moments that I look back and smile to myself.

this is love.

everybody should go and watch The Ugly Truth. Its really meaningful, and some parts are really true.

I've got alot of mixed feelings now. I hate aaron, but Im still glad that he is always the one who comes for me after every quarrel and fights.

I guess this is love? it makes you love and hate the man.