contradiction.

even after all that happened, I never really hated you. and I missed you.

All along, no matter how bad our quarrels were, how you disappointed me and hurt me, I acknowledge you as my bf. The one I truly loved, and Im proud to have.

When you brought me along to meet ur grp of frens, I thought I actually meant something to you, that you introduced me to ur closest frens. And then I realised, it was just a 1% of ur frens/acquaintances/colleagues, the rest didnt even noe my existence.

have you forgotten the time I burnt my fingers while doing "I love u" using tea candles in ur room to surprise you, and you were so touched and kept smiling the whole nite? have you forgotten ur birthday surprise I took 2 mths to plan for it, all for the sake of seeing you smile? have you forgotten the love journal I did for you, that you said u were so touched you would cherished it?

why is it, that all these are forgotten and gone with the wind?

I didnt thought we would end this way. I thought you would be matured enuff, love me enuff, treasured what we had enuff, to at least work it out, or end it mutually/decently.

you used to tell me that I would not haf another traumatised breakup, unless there is something I can't stand about you. but you gave me one.

you taught me that there is always alot of options and ways to solve problems, but you chose the ultimatum. I could clearly list out more than 1 way we could both solve the problem. I learnt what you taught me. but why did you have to choose the destructive way out?

I told myself, that I would stop thinking about us for now. you said relationship is not everything. but why is it that you used to make me feel that I was ur everything? you said you wouldn't feel complete without me, and if I left, you don't know what would happen to you? I still believed what you said until today, because you were never a sweet talker. and when you say things like these, I know you mean it. and I foolishly want to believe every word that you said. even if I know you don't need me anymore. what I cant accept, is why you had no courage to admit that you don't love me anymore, and you don't need me anymore. its the hard and ugly truth, but at least, I know you are not lying. all I wanted, is you to be truthful to me. even if love has long gone. I rather be hurt with the truth. and I swear I wudn't hate you.


This is the 3rd week of my work, and you have never asked about it. I wished I can share with you my ups and downs.



I wished you can see how much I have changed.



and Im still waiting...to watch Alvin & the Chipmunks with you. maybe you have already watched with I don't know, but everytime I saw the advertisement, I find it hard to control my tears. This is silly... but there's no one else I want to watch with, other than you. only you know what is my favourite part, what I like most, and you were the one who make me like cartoons.



"me...I want...a hula hoop...."


its my sms alert tone, and everytime it rings, I tot of you. and somehow, I tot of how you would always smile, when you see me mimicking theodore and happily laughing to myself.


and that smile of urs, was all it takes to make me do anything for you. and now as I typed these words, tears dropped. I wasn't exaggerating, but these tears, tells how much I missed you.